May I say first of all, Merry Christmas!

I'm watching Heathers and crying and I've been contemplating this year and I think it's gotten worse ever since May for obvious reasons but I'd like to think next year will be better and without so much heartache and I'll make good life decisions. I'd like to be happier this year, that's kind of it. 

too much time spent on thoughts

Thinking about it, I'm only ever truly, utterly happy when I'm with people, most of the time, living in the country, the closest I normally am from my 'happy people' is about ten miles by car. So most of the time I'm in the middle of nowhere on my own. Mostly I'm quiet. I read a lot more now. I go for walks, I use my bike a lot. I think I've spent about 70% of my life's money on bus and train tickets to escape where I live and most nights I end up sitting on the roof of my house with my cat, a blanket and a cup of cold tea, looking down to hill into the countryside. I would make a long post about the 'perks' of living in a village, but thus far I can't see any. The things I do to combat the isolation is to just immerse myself in 'other-worldly' characters. There are women that I just wish I could be like, granted, the majority of them are fictional, but I feel a need to be inspired and to break the boredom that comes with living here. There are characters like Blair Waldorf, or Cecilia Lisbon, or Margot Tenenbaum that are just so perfect that you want to embody everything about them, and their inevitable flaws are the things you hold dearest to yourself, you can identify, I feel anyway, with a character to a greater extent if you have some sort of grasp on what really makes their identity. But mainly, and this is only in the past half a year or so, it's characters and people that you can just aspire to be like, and this is greatest when being like them seems ever so slightly more realistic, and the product of that would make you the happiest you could be. To have the passion that Catherine Earnshaw possesses would make me so intolerably happy, I would probably drive myself to death in just the same way as she did, I think it would be wonderful to feel that sort of passion for a person or a feeling, to having it consume your mind to the point it drives you to total distraction. I think I aspire more to be a tortured literary heroine than anything else, this may prove a problem if I ever have to start making serious and proper decisions about what I want to do if I can ever leave this village.

I am Grace Kelly, Grace Kelly is me

I think it might be time to grow up. This is going to take a lot of trying, I need to become more intelligent, more eloquent, better spoken, listen to more music, read more books, watch more interesting films, all while still being able to carry on in school without any more accidental minor nervous breakdowns after and during Maths and English classes.
Maybe this will be my ~New Years Resolution~ and that might mean by mid-February I will have a better grasp on my life.
I don't know if this means I can't stay up until three am watching Twin Peaks and aspiring to be like my heroines [Audrey Horne, Blair Waldorf etc.] nut I'm sure it means I can't spend hours of my life doing nothing at all apart from dreaming, I must do improving things, and have improving thoughts and have great discussions with insightful, intelligent people that know lots of things. I also, mustn't be scared at the prospect of sadness, although it is terrifying, I must be prepared to face it, along with the idea of failure. 7
I don't really know what this idea is, I think mainly, it's to stop me from messing around and get stuff done, I think I might just need Tina Fey as my life coach and then I'd be fine.
But this year will be one of change, not that I'm saying 2011 hasn't changed my drastically, it has. However, I need to change myself now as a consequence of what has happened, to better my mind, and hopefully, to help me achieve what I want, which is being able to express my ideas without having to pause for thought (this will take a lot of learning new words to cope with).

~pretty music~

So, this [and by this I mean that vision of beauty you should see above this] is a acoustic recording of a band named Bastille, and it's good. Really good. I don't really know who to compare them to but they're fronted by a guy called Dan who's also a producer, after a few messages back and forth about his music as well as listening to their tracks on soundcloud on repeat for a few hours, I'd come to the conclusion that they are truly wonderful. They've also gained a bigger following due to their appearance on the Made In Chelsea playlist with the songs Flaws and an instrumental Sleep Song [which I got very excited about. The prospect of a song I hadn't heard, which later just turned out to be a dome and wasn't released with the Laura Palmer EP] played later in Season 2. Anyway, as far as I can tell, Made In Chelsea has been their most promienent exposure to a wider audience but seriously, if you've missed out on them, listen to all three origional songs on their soundcloud.

• Flaws; This song is very electric-y but as soon as the vocal starts it just gets rlly emotive and dreamy and with the harmony in the bridge it's just a really floaty song that [I think anyway] seems really relatable. A good song to mope/cry/walk/do anything to. 
• Laura Palmer; This song was originally influenced by the death of the young girl Laura Palmer [good Twin Peaks themed songs, well done etc] and it's really powerful, a strong heart-beat-like drum beat is repeated throughout and gives it a really passionate feel along with the beautiful vocal. The lyrics are lovely too, just listen too it, I can't imagine you won't love it.
• Icarus; This songs was originally released as the b-side to the Flaws single and this is the song performed in the video above, again a repeated beat throughout, this time split, but again another passionate song with lovely emotive lyrics and again a beautiful bridge. 
• I think in all these songs there's just such a nice marriage of beautiful lyrics with Dan's voice which is then juxtaposed with the rough rhythms throughout the songs and I feel they just all go together beautifully. 

So yeah, in conclusion, listening to them will make your life better; start by listening to the three track I've spoken about, then if you like them, on the links on their soundcloud there is a link to their webpage, inviting you to join their mailing list and as a result giving you a free download of a new song. If by this time you're a fan, buy their EP, it's in iTunes now, do it. I promise you you'll love it if you like the other songs.

Let's Go

Okay, well, this being a first post I feel a small duty to introduce myself, so as to give this page more of an identity. If you've read the paragraph to the side you will have already gauged some sort of insight in to me but here are a few things I didn't write there.

• I live in the South-East of England, in possibly the most obscure village in this modern world but it is close to where I took the picture above, so the natural beauty balances out the idea that I'm nowhere near anything.
• This consequently means I spend most of my money on rain tickets as a form of escape.
• The money I don't spend on train tickets normally either goes on magazines that I haven't yet subscribed to [eg. i-D, Lula, Dazed & Confused] or pretty clothes I've found on Etsy.
• I'm 16 years of age, it's funny because soon I'll be 17 and that's normally deemed as 'almost adult' and I'm not sure I feel ready for that. 
• I'm in Lower Sixth Form at my school studying my AS Levels, I'm studying English Literature, History, Maths and Spanish. 
• I make a wish to live in New York every day.
• I'm sad a lot of the time and this means I spend most evenings wrapped up in big jumpers, drinking copious amounts of tea and watching Never Let Me go and my Sofia Coppola film collection. 
• I have found a good cure to sadness to be, buying assorted pieces of clothing that are either velvet or are those ugly/pretty Christmas jumpers. Another cure is putting on a fairy type dress and twirling around my room in it, with my skylight open so I can see the moon, and listening to Belle & Sebastian.

I feel this is quite enough for now, hopefully posting on here might become a regular thing and hopefully it will be a good outlet and won't be as wasteful as writing all over the margins of my favourite books.