too much time spent on thoughts

Thinking about it, I'm only ever truly, utterly happy when I'm with people, most of the time, living in the country, the closest I normally am from my 'happy people' is about ten miles by car. So most of the time I'm in the middle of nowhere on my own. Mostly I'm quiet. I read a lot more now. I go for walks, I use my bike a lot. I think I've spent about 70% of my life's money on bus and train tickets to escape where I live and most nights I end up sitting on the roof of my house with my cat, a blanket and a cup of cold tea, looking down to hill into the countryside. I would make a long post about the 'perks' of living in a village, but thus far I can't see any. The things I do to combat the isolation is to just immerse myself in 'other-worldly' characters. There are women that I just wish I could be like, granted, the majority of them are fictional, but I feel a need to be inspired and to break the boredom that comes with living here. There are characters like Blair Waldorf, or Cecilia Lisbon, or Margot Tenenbaum that are just so perfect that you want to embody everything about them, and their inevitable flaws are the things you hold dearest to yourself, you can identify, I feel anyway, with a character to a greater extent if you have some sort of grasp on what really makes their identity. But mainly, and this is only in the past half a year or so, it's characters and people that you can just aspire to be like, and this is greatest when being like them seems ever so slightly more realistic, and the product of that would make you the happiest you could be. To have the passion that Catherine Earnshaw possesses would make me so intolerably happy, I would probably drive myself to death in just the same way as she did, I think it would be wonderful to feel that sort of passion for a person or a feeling, to having it consume your mind to the point it drives you to total distraction. I think I aspire more to be a tortured literary heroine than anything else, this may prove a problem if I ever have to start making serious and proper decisions about what I want to do if I can ever leave this village.