[in a desperate attempt to cheer myself up, I think this is just going to be a ~monthly inspiration post~ or something]

I think the ascetic power a film can have on you is massively underrated by most feature films recently which is where my love for Sofia Coppola comes from, aside from all the sensual filming the aesthetic to all the films is so ~comforting~ and beautiful and even in her new Marni for H&M advert this is still clear


Another part of The Virgin Suicides I absolutely love is the close ups in the girl's rooms and I'm just in love with the idea of angels and fairies (also in Romeo + Juliet!) and lace and beauty all collected together on a windowsill or shelf or whatever

I've been making more ~flower crowns~ this month too! After watching Lana Del Rey's Born To Die video a few hundred times I'm now waiting for spring to arrive as that means all sorts of daisies and tulips and lots more opportunity for flower-y wonderfulness!

[After seeing the new Stella McCartney S/S Ad Campaign I think I may need to invest in a flower press also]

I've been scouring Etsy too, trying to find beautiful pieces like this, sadly I haven't succeed  yet but I'm hoping by the end of the month to own a beautiful Lisbon-esque dress like this!

Forever being inspired by the dreamy perfection that is Audrey Horne and her wonderful dancing and sweater collection!

One final thing! I think some people under estimate the power cartoons have really, I mean I've only just re-watched Persepolis but it's such a good film and I highly recommend it as it's not only cute and amazing but it kind of make you think about cultural identity and real issues and it's nice. SECONDLY, whoever says Lisa Simpson [first ever feminist ICON] isn't totally rad and amazing is either wrong, or they're lying.

LOSING MY MIND

(I've been called crazy countless times this month and whether it's because I spend stupid amounts of money on magazines, or that I break down crying in lessons or because I spend lessons flicking through the Encyclopaedia of Cats during my free lessons i don't know, but what I do know is that I'm constantly feeling extremely unstable, emotionally I guess, which is quite tricky because now I have to actively manage my emotions so as not to seem like a total head case, crying in a train into my coat or something. I don't know, it's tricky, feeling so ~much~ but then at the same time feeling so little. I know this sounds horrible, and awful, and so pretentious or whatever. it does to me anyway. Everything I'm feeling is just dumb. But anyway, this month I'm changing, sometime this week I'm going to buy three disposable cameras and new batteries for my real camera and new film for my actual film camera and I'm not going to stop taking pictures and I'll buy a new journal too and write all the time and then if I can express everything I'm feeling it won't build up in my mind so much.
Something else that is bothering me I think is a constant feeling in inadequacy, all the time. I don't know, it's not even superficial wholly, I just feel so useless all the time and it's horrific, I can't seem to do anything properly any more and it's just so frustrating and it sits on my shoulder and it's just there all the time and I don't know what I can do any more.
Oh while writing this so many shuddering breath have been taken and my face has wrinkled in disgust at how appalling this is and I'm sorry. I don't think I'll ever be very good at this)

I haven't posted anything on here in a while and now I'm feeling super guilty about it and I'm trying to think of really interesting captivating things I have been doing instead but all that has happened has been

• MAJOR EMOTIONAL TRAUMA//HEARTBREAK 
• ~we don't need to deal with that right now though~
• I've spent too too much money on magazines
• I think over the past two weeks I've watched The Virgin Suicides about 12 times, which is now my new record uh
• FINDING A SPECIAL 'VELVET' SECTION ON THE AMERICAN APPAREL WEBSITE
• The prospect of getting a new job that gets me £££
• Oh and finally, probably most importantly, I'm finally getting all the SAT stuff sorted out which means that I'll take a practise test in May, then go and visit different colleges in the US in the summer, then in October I'll take the test for real then finally apply to Columbia and NYU[!!!!] 
• When I was sorting that out oh lord, there were tearz of JOY oh wow

I think later on I'll write something more substantial and frankly more interesting but at the moment I'm stuck in a Maths//Spanish work ~warp~ or whatever, meaning I have a lot of work to do, and no motivation to do it with. So hopefully by the end of today I'll have written two pages of Botellón stuff which means I'm half way through!! Oh and then I can make some more First Aid Kit mix tapes and make more glittery candles.